In real life, this would be like walking up to a friend and telling them that you are about to say "Hello," and then following up with, "Hello!"
When approaching screenwriting for the first time, it often happens that a habit forms where you announce your dialogue intentions:
What you are doing is adding unnecessary words to the page and slowing down the read. It also ends up repetitive if you announce what is coming anyway. The above dialogue would look better as:
A cleaner look on the page and less to read. This is the "less is more" mantra in action!
Furthermore, if you preempt the dialogue in your action description, then this is duplication. Have a look at the following example:
What "Bob" wants to ask does not need declaring before he says it. Remove the intention/description and get straight to the dialogue:
Another example where it is unnecessary to state Bob's speech intention:
You don't need to append the "as he replies:" Just snap straight into the dialogue. The actor won't not say his lines because the script hasn't prompted him in the action description.
You certainly don't need to be writing like this:
The second line of action description is not necessary and takes the reader out of the flow of dialogue. If you are also chasing a 120 page count, or more, eliminating these kind of lines is vital.
The only time where you may feel the need to announce a response is by adding to the character's disposition, although if it is unexpected, you would be better to have it as a one word paranthetical:
This would read better:
A very simple overuse of action description. Essentially, it isn't problematic, but adds more text than you need. A lean page is more easily digestible. Only in a book is the "he said, she said" necessary.
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